Lost

This past week has been a rough one, each day I felt as though I was trying to muddle through a dark thick cloud of depression. I felt paralyzed, unable to think straight, no motivation to accomplish anything just completely without direction or desire. Lost!

I spent a great deal of time everyday this past week praying for insight. I look around me and see all that God has blessed me with, so why the pity party?

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a pleaser. As a child I would do everything I could to please those around me, sometimes it was to keep the peace and/or stay out of trouble (in our house what was fine one day might not be the next, no consistency) and sometimes it was in the hopes of trying to gain acceptance and love. Either way, I have spent my life so focused on pleasing others that I have no idea who I am or what I am passionate about.

My children are now grown and have lives of their own, I recently retired and my husband of almost seven years is wonderful, supportive and low maintenance.  Because of this I have a lot of time on my hands to do what I want to do, what I am passionate about, therein lays the problem. As mentioned above, I have no idea who I am or what I am passionate about. I just feel lost.

For the first time in my life I am free to follow my passions, to enjoy what I want to enjoy and I have no idea what that is, at least not yet. Up to this point I have been trying to force some sort of, “be passionate about this or that,” and that is not working. I believe one of the answers I received from God today is to stop trying to force something into being and just let things happen (fall into place) naturally. This will take a great exercise of patience on my part, but I have a determined spirit. I want to live in the here and now and embrace each moment filled with passion.

Do you know what you are passionate about or have you lost yourself, like me, because you have spent all your time caring for others and forgetting about yourself?

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