Setting New Standards

In my recent post “Please Pass the Fickle, Joan commented, “it is easier to overlook our shortcomings and be critical of others. I do this quite often because I am afraid to face my inner-self.”

First and foremost I want to thank you for your comment and let you know that I empathize with your fear and your pain.

I am a word nerd so I decided to look up the definition of shortcomings; according to shortcomings is a fault or failure to meet a certain standard, typically in a person’s character (Oxforddictionaries). Which begs the question, who sets the standards and can these standards be changed?

I believe that many of these standards are set during childhood, forming a foundation to build on, and we continue to set additional standards through life experiences. I had an extremely abusive childhood, some of the standards (shortcomings) set for me by those individuals that were supposed to love me were; “you will never amount to anything”, “you are worthless”, and “you are unlovable,” to name a few. Thus defining who I was and with this foundation in place I continued to set even more negative standards for myself throughout life.

I personally believe these standards (shortcomings) can be changed, however it will require some real soul searching, difficult emotional work and a willingness to face my fears and slowly become someone I love.

Overlooking our shortcomings may appear to be easier, but this is only in the short-term in the long run doing so is hurtful to self and those we love. I am doing this one bite at a time. The saying is that Rome was not built in a day. I do not expect to change a lifetime of negative condition overnight, but little by little I am changing for the better.

I urge you to find a good starting place, find what works for you. Change your fear into a challenge and embrace the new standards that you set for yourself, not what others have set for you.

Thank you for visiting my blog,

Comments are always welcomed!



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