It has been a while since my last post. The Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays have really kept me busy. We have had house guest since the week of Thanksgiving and will continue to do so until December 28th.
I am thankful that God has blessed us with the means to host both of the holidays and open our home to visiting family members. It has however, been exhausting.
The unfortunate side of all of this is my inability to physically do as much as I would like to because of the pain in my leg and back. On the other side of that coin, I have seen a specialist who has scheduled some test to try to determine what is going on with my body. Granted, it is a slow process and my next appointment is not until December 29th. I really hope this test will give me some answers, I just want to know what is wrong and can it be fixed?
2017 has been a bad year for me, not only physically but mentally as well. The inability to walk without intense pain caused me to quit working, which has led to a feeling of worthlessness, lack of purpose and severe depression.
2017 went from bad to worse, starting with the pain, and even though I have sought medical attention the doctor just wanted to prescribe pain meds (which I do not want to take because of fear of addiction). After several doctor visits I was finally scheduled a test that resulted in seeing a specialist. However, it is a slow process and I have to wait about a month in-between appointments. Apparently I am more concerned than the medical community – they are in no hurry.
The inability to function coupled with not working has led to a feeling of worthlessness and lack of purpose, thus leading to depression. Not only have I lost my joy for everything, I have also been doing a lot of emotional eating, which of course has led to a significant weight gain. The weight gain has made it even harder for me to get around and has further increased the feelings of worthlessness, failure and depression. Thus the title of this post “The 2017 Snowball Effect” which according to Wikipedia is defined as:
“Metaphorically, a snowball effect is a process that starts from an initial state of small significance and build upon itself, becoming larger (graver, more serious), and also perhaps potentially dangerous or disastrous (a vicious circle), though it might be beneficial instead (a virtuous circle)”. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org. Accessed 12/22/17).
It is a vicious circle! As 2017 nears an end I find myself sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am determined that 2018 will be my year to turn things around. I know that I am the one responsible for letting life get the best of me and it is up to me to turn that around.
This year has been the darkest of my life and I do not want to continue down this road of self-destruction, sadness and depression any longer. Regardless of what the test results are on the 29th, I will start taking the baby steps necessary to turn my life into something more enjoyable.
Starting in 2018 I will start making small weekly goals to help me get out of the dark places in my head.
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Comments are always welcomed!
Wikipedia – The Snowball Effect. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org. Accessed 12/22/17).